Analysis Award Show

(In compliance with full disclosure, Analysis owns no stock) In conjunction with the ongoing season of awards shows, Analysis presents its own. The Clint Eastwood endowed “Empty Chair” Award goes to Fox News’ 1-28-16 GOP debate for their sequel to Clint’s original award winning performance at the Republican National Convention of 4 years ago. The Ronald Reagan “There You Go Again” Prize is bestowed on the leaders of Ohio’s Charter Schools. ““The reality is — the vast majority of kids that come are being underserved because we don’t have the funding that we should so I think that there should be a call for some way to sort of rectify on this funding,” Taylor [David Taylor, leader of Dayton Early College Academy] said.” (Charter School Leaders Say Shutting Down Bad Schools Would Be Effective By Andy Chow, 1-27-16 [Ohio] Statehouse News Bureau) Where have we heard that before? (Hint: replace the word “Charter” with the word “Public”) The Koch Bros’ Americans For Prosperity Entrepreneurship Opportunity Trophy goes to the entire State of Texas for creating jobs and start up businesses with their implementation of legalized open carry. Already the cowboy hat producers have reported an uptick in the sale of black, and white hats. New apps and programs are being generated online for discerning which are the good guys with guns from the bad guys with guns (“Programs. Get your program. Can’t tell the players without a program. Weekly, Daily and Hourly updates are available!”). Spinoffs include recent start-ups that will move you from good to bad and vice versa. This year’s Rahm Emanuel “Timing Is Everything” Award was heavily dominated by local entrants. Even the President’s State of the Union proposals was overshadowed by recent Ted Strickland and Rob Portman position changes. The Award went to our own City of Newark for its success in obtaining a Boots and Pedals Community Policing Grant during an election year; what brilliance to fund police crowd control with this grant at upcoming downtown political rallies – priceless! Coming in a close second was Licking County’s own savvy State Senator, Jay Hottinger, for co-sponsoring the soon to be authorized defunding of Planned Parenthood, at a time when Planned Parenthood bashing was esteemed and politically correct. Now that such bashing has been totally discredited (By Texas, of all places. Texas!) and is no longer PC, “it’s just too late to start over.” (in the inimitable words of Jay’s colleague Barb Sears). Senator Hottinger lost out because of his recent, rather johnnie-come-lately authority on bestiality. Better luck next time Senator. Finally, Analysis presents the most prestigious award – the coveted As Seen On TV “Bait And Switch Promotional”. This years competition was fierce and close. The nominees are: Sarah Palin for blaming Barack Obama for her son Track’s criminal behavior and arrest (always politically incorrect to bash your partner), The entire state GOP of Michigan for blaming the City of Flint potable water supply debacle on pipes rather than the state’s own deliberately initiated switch to polluted river water, And the entire cast of 2016 GOP presidential candidates for attributing America’s inconvenient ills, trials and travails to the workings of ISIS (ISIL,”Daesh”). And the winner is…Michigan’s GOP leadership who have consistently denied, disparaged, and actively undermined and suppressed manmade climate change as well as state-wide environmental regulation and stewardship in favor of prioritized fiscal austerity. Managing to shift media attention away from a known polluted and corrosive water source (the Flint River) by placing the blame on the personal responsibility of homeowners’ plumbing (even those with copper or plastic pipes) is a veritable stroke of marketing genius. Kudos Michigan GOP!

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